Friday, November 13, 2009

The good, the bad and the ugly

Babies are very powerful little people. They can make you laugh, they can make you cry. They can make you relax, they can raise your blood pressure. They can make a day wonderful, they can make a day from hell. Ok I won't be dramatic but I do admit to fantasizing every once in a while about hopping a plane to a tropical paradise and never coming home! Well the thought is fleeting...some days faster than others.

I knew the moment that Rasa woke up crying and didn't want to stop that it was a bad sign yesterday. When Adia awoke minutes later, stood up and hit her head I was concerned. A dozen falls and spills later, one resulting in a bruise and goose egg, I was no longer in denial. This day was going to suck. I fed them oatmeal in the living room on the floor and while Rasa spit out every bite I fed her across the room Adia enjoyed rolling around in it. By three o'clock I was spent, Adia was crying and angry that I put her in the jumperoo to contain her, Rasa still wouldn't stop crying and with one hand plugging one ear the other was typing an email to Royce saying I quit! I admit last night after we put them to bed that I was afraid to go myself because I knew I'd have to wake up in the morning and do it all again!

At the same time I do realize I'm very fortunate. I do believe that it's these trying days that make the others that more joyful. Even the days when I only make it to the bathroom one time, I miss breakfast and lunch, I can't make it out of my pajamas and when Royce comes home he tries to tell me I'm beautiful with a straight face all the while seeing the spit up, baby food and other identifiable things on my shirt, I know that this is where I'm meant to be. It's not glamorous, not at all, but even on my worst day I'm blessed. I get to spend 24 hours a day with my precious daughters. I get to watch them learn from me and watch myself grow from them. I never had rewards like this sitting in an office all day. I never woke up with a real sense of purpose working for a big corporation. I never got to see something new develop right before my eyes at work. You couldn't pay me enough to miss this. Even yesterday.

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