I thought this was such an accurate depiction of the manic and baffling demeanor of my two year olds that I had to share it here. It seems they are all the same after all and it's not just that I've already totally screwed up my kids!
The only thing I might add is to think of all of these items as being said with a really REALLY annoying whiney voice, repeating each one three times and another 2 year old in the background either crying, screaming or beating on the other one.
Ahh my daily peace. Welcome to my world and a nice flash back at some of yours :)
Approximately 3 minutes inside the head of my two year old
by JASON GOOD
Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.
I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
I wanna open and close the thermostat.
I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
I wanna pick up the cat by it’s head.
I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
I HATE FRUIT.
I want out of my chair.
I wanna play with the iPad.
I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
I wanna take my pants off.
I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
No, not for that.
Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
Where’s the cat?
SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone
Hungry again. Never mind
I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
IM NOT TIRED!
I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
No, not inside either!
I need to push some buttons right now.
I hate this diaper.
My eyes itch.
WOW! Is this my toe?
STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
I hate these pants.
This shirt itches.
Stop asking me if I’m tired.
Where’s that toy that goes beep.
I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
Put on my favorite song.
Where’s the cat?
What is UP with my shirt?
Did I just hear a dog bark?
YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
I wanna see a dog.
No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
Is my penis still there? Good.